In Progress

How many people have learned this lesson before me? And how many times did they have to learn it? And how many times do I have to learn it?

This is why I like grace. Grace doesn't laugh at me when I mess up in the same way that I have messed up numerous times before.

I've noticed that I like to think about things that I can't control and then proceed to worry about them. I also like to use other words for worry like "ponder" or "think about things I can't control," because I know God tells us not to worry (Matthew 6:25 - "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life..." Matthew 6:27 - "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?")
but what I really mean by these semi-synonyms is "FREAKING OUT AND WORRYING". Did you like that sentence I just wrote? I'm worried it's very grammatically incorrect. AHHH!

I really have convinced myself that I'm not a worrier. But it hit me today on the subway that if I let these things control my thoughts, I am certainly a worrier. I try to plan, try to guess, and constantly wonder. But not in an imaginative way. In a FREAKING OUT way.

Anyway, I was reading about King David. His story is enough to hold my attention and wonder (in a good way) about who he was and how God used him. For about 12.5 seconds I got so immersed in King David that I forgot about my worried life and felt REALLY EXCITED ABOUT GOD. It was the best feeling of my day so far. I decided it was a really good feeling. And then I decided I wanted to just go ahead and keep feeling that way. Because it was so nice to let God have my worries for 12.5 seconds. But the worry crept up again, and that's when I entered the struggle between lies and truth. Oh boy.

The good news is God is stronger than me and God is Awesome when I am not. And...his strength is made perfect in my weakness! So I will rejoice in my weakness! So if I'm worried that I won't be able to stop worrying, that's okay, because I don't have to exhaust my own resources that will ultimately not even last a thirteenth of 12.5 seconds. I get to ask God for help, and because He is perfect and He loves me, He will help me. I love that about Him.

The best thing about not worrying this morning? I got to focus entirely on what was in front of me, without my thoughts wandering. And what was in front of me was a fresh cup of pumpkin spice coffee. And it was heavenly.